ATLANTAGENDA, GA – In an act of unprecedented journalism, news media giant CNN reported “Yo Mama” as the latest suspect in the FBI’s crackdown on terrorism. This added to the already long lists of characters which includes new age musician Yanni, has-been pop star Paula Abdul, and children’s television icon Barney, the purple dinosaur.
A day after the devastation in New York City and D.C., the cable news network showed Barney, Baby Bop and numerous children celebrating with balloons. After further investigation, however, they discovered the footage was taken from an episode entitled “Having Fun at the Library,” filmed eight years ago.
Studio lackey Brian Maher says the oversight of responsible journalism was not due to time constraints or an inefficient process, rather apathy on the part of the media.
“We really didn’t care,” Maher said while pulling out a wedged portion of his pants. “I mean we really didn’t care… do you follow?”
CNN News Analyst Connie Ayers defends the network’s reports by saying, “Just because an individual doesn’t exist, or has been dead for fifty years doesn’t mean they’re innocent.”
The news agency did say, however, it would take further steps to ensure the accuracy of its report, making certain interviewees include inbred hicks and crack addicts.