ISRAEL, IN – Witnesses stood in awe this morning when a 47 year old Egyptian man by the name of Habib Yawari lunged into a verbal assault at an area gas station.
“The damn thing wouldn’t take my credit card,” exclaimed Yawari, “They wanted to make me late, I know it! It’s all because of the Jews!”
This marks the fifteenth incident this month where Yawari has blamed his misfortunes on the children of Israel. From having his credit declined to stubbing his pinky toe, Yawari seems to find a correlation between Jews and everything going bad in his life.
Seemingly unaware of the fact that Muslims are required to have higher regard for Christians and Jews than other non-Muslims, Yawari baffles friends and family alike.
Yawari was devastated when informed that Jerry Seinfeld, his favorite comedian, is in fact a Jew. Yawari proceeded to burn all of his videotaped recordings of Seinfeld’s popular television show along with his Sony VCR, which he also claims was built by Jewish manufacturers.
Yawari’s ex-wife, Fatima, left him three months ago after he beat her unconscious for, in his own words, “raising our kids as Jewy, Jewy Jews.”
“I only made him a bagel for breakfast and he flips out,” his ex-wife claims. “That man has some serious [expletive] issues.”
Authorities were called on the scene last week as a visibly-intoxicated Yawari assaulted a bartender he suspected was Jewish. Yawari quickly fled the scene, led the officers on a wild chase and was finally arrested after attempting to go back and pick up a quarter that fell out of his pocket.
