DON’T BE DISTRACTED. The Real Story Here is That There’s a Habib With a Freakin ‘K’ in His Name

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Habib Ali advises fans to stay focused on the real issue after Khabib Nurmagomedov's victor over Conor McGregor Saturday Night.

The following is an editorial written by Habib Ali whose views and opinions are his own and do not reflect the viewpoints of Islamica News.

Yo guys, it’s me, Habib Ali – your thirty-something, brown, slightly attention-deficit friend. Need your help in walking me through one of my many mental dilemmas. And no it’s not one of my weed-induced thoughts. Go f-yourself for being so judgmental.

By now you’ve already seen the melee after Saturday night’s much anticipated Khabib Nurmagomedov vs Conor McGregor UFC fight.  An unfortunate series of events that prompted fans of each camp to take sides and point fingers via virtual verbal brawls that played out on Twitter and the rest of the interwebs.

Afterwards, Nurmagomedov apologized to the commission, but explained why he was so emotional.

“He talked about my religion, my country, my father. He came to Brooklyn, he broke bus and nearly killed two people. So why do people still talk about me jumping over the cage?”

I could not agree with him any more. People are so distracted by the aftermath of the fight that they’ve COMPLETELY forgotten about the bigger issue at hand: THERE’S A DUDE OUT THERE THAT SPELLS HABIB WITH A K!

Did you not notice it when it first presented itself to you? Did you quietly just accept it and pretend it was normal, or tell yourself it’s just the way things are now? Are you now so immune to everything shocking that you cope with these in real-time? You gonna tell me it’s a consequence of the Donald Trump effect?

It’s a freakin K in front of ‘Habib’ man – that’s NOT normal. NONE of this is normal. I can’t imagine the phonetical ripple effect this is causing across conversations happening RIGHT NOW. We already had pronunciation challenges with the traditional way things were transliterated, and now this?!?

If those two-headed monster guys from Sesame Street had to break up KHABIB in syllables, do you know how they would pronounce it? THEY WOULDN’T cuz they’d have a conjoined heart attack and sh*t their puppet pants.

All on your watch while you’re sitting there trying to figure out why a guy jumped out of a cage.

Even autocorrect replaces ‘KHABIB’ with ‘WTF?’

I don’t even recognize you guys anymore. What’s next? Khalal… Kharam?!? Is that the new norm now? We’re just arbitrarily sticking K’s wherever we damn well please?!?

What makes me an expert on the subject? Cuz my name is freakin Habib! That makes me the SME on ALL things Habib.You don’t even know. And the way I spell it IS socially accepted. That way we’re all aligned when they socially don’t accept us.

Anywho, to quote the champ himself, “AL-HAM-DU-LILLAH.”

 

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