Incompetent Jihadist Contemplates Career Change Struggling to Find a Cause, Group

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Masheen's beard is sunnah, but the rest of his story is far from it.

MADISON, WI – Six months after being dismissed from a local terrorist group, former IT worker and part-time jihadist Saleem Masheen is thinking it might be time to change focus in his search employment.

“I could do some odd jobs or go back to school but I want to stick with my passion, you know?” he stated. “There’s nothing like that freshly-radicalized feeling but it’s a crowded market with a lot of competition.”

Despite repeated attempts to latch on to a sleeper cell, Masheen claims he’s been rejected on the grounds of being “overqualified”, “under qualified” and “qualified but lacking ambition”.

“I feel I did a good job getting my resume to stand out. But I get nervous talking to recruiters. They always get me with the interview questions,” lamented Masheen. “Where do I see myself in five years? Seriously?”

Masheen voiced frustration that his former employer, Al-Qaeda in Madison, won’t give him a reference.

“They laid me off because of the recession and said nice things in my termination letter but now they won’t give me the time of day. I miss all my friends and colleagues. Working there was the bomb.”

When asked for comment, Al-Qaeda in Madison responded “We are not a jihadist group or terror cell. This is the UW Madison Institute for Mental Health. Privacy practices prohibit us from detailing specifics but we can confirm Mr. Masheen escaped last fall and is at large. If you have any details of his whereabouts, please forward them to authorities.”

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