Muslim Networking Event Full of Unemployed, Unemployable

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PIG President Saad Esobi maintains his poise/ignorance despite rising hostilities at their monthly meetup.

ALEXANDRIA, VA – A local Muslim professional networking event is once again under fire for being ineffective, confusing and generally frustrating for all involved.

“This week was once again a total waste of time,” stated one frustrated member. “Nobody hired me. I have [an] MCSE, printed 50 resumes and couldn’t get a single bite. I want my $5 membership due refunded.”

Professional Islamic Group (PIG) has hosted the event, a monthly networking mixer, for the past seven years despite yielding no tangible benefit for its members or leadership. Lack of opportunities has many members reaching their boiling point.

“The name of our group doesn’t help,” mentioned one member. “People and potential employers joke and call us PIGs.”

Despite this, leadership isn’t open to a name change. PIG President Saad Esobi notes a “significant cost” of reprinting his resume, which prominently mentions he’s been the PIG president since the Bush administration.

“We looked into it but it could cost like a hundred dollars or something. Not gonna happen,” stated Esobi.

Esobi notes deeper issues at play, including the fact everyone in the group is unemployed, unskilled and many state they “have nothing better to do.”

“Many of our members are self-described businessmen with no discernible business skills,” explained Esobi. “Between that, medical school dropouts and gas station attendants who claim they were engineers or doctors back home, our local Muslim workforce is a mess.”

Esobi, himself an IT worker laid off in 2003, is considering a variety of tactics to shake things up.

“We haven’t raised member dues since daddy started PIG in 1982,” he stated. “We’re thinking of upping it to at least $10. We’re also considering restricting the meeting to legal residents.”

Many PIG members are becoming sharply critical of their leadership and clamoring for new board elections. There’s also a proposal to move the meeting time from its current Wednesday 1pm timeslot.

“If we meet in the evenings or weekends, someone with a job might show up,” stated a longtime member while rolling her eyes. “The last time we had someone recruiting at our event, I’m pretty sure he was some Al Qaeda dude or undercover CIA posing as one. [Esobi’s] too busy playing Counterstrike to notice.”

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