FT. WORTH, TX – On the eve of a major demolition this morning, a local construction crew made a startling discovery in the basement of Tandy Computers’ former headquarters.
A man, identified as 47 Year-old IT Support Technician Ali Kamal, was spotted quietly playing solitaire on his now-vintage Compaq Presario 2200 desktop computer.
“We startled him and I think he peed himself,” explained the demolition foreman. “He pretended like he didn’t see us and Alt-Tabbed over to a command prompt like he was working on something.”
“I am sorry,” Kamal stated as he excused himself to go to the bathroom.
Apparently living in the basement of the facility since the late 90’s, Kamal was laid off when Tandy was acquired by CompUSA, which subsequently ceased operations in 2007.
He explains he’s wandered the halls surviving off vending machines littered throughout the vast campus and didn’t suspect anything was afoul despite not seeing a single co-worker for the past two decades.
“I thought I was promoted. I am very busy you know,” explained Kamal. “The network was not optimal but the ping for the Window 95 subroutine is not [unintelligible] formatting FAT16 partition. Very complex but I can fix.”
A nervously-smiling Kamal proudly showcased his living arrangements, including his “employee of the month” certificate from August 1995, “MCSE for Dummies” book collection and numerous “Friends” VHS tapes.
“I love that show. I think the Ross guy is going to love-marriage the Rachel girl,” hypothesized Kamal. “They are soul mates. I would like to friendship with lady like this one day.”
When questioned why he never attempted to communicate with the outside world, Kamal explained, “My Startac phone never gets very good reception. Cingular service is terrible in the basement.”
Despite not being in the workforce since the turn of the millennium, Kamal is still oddly qualified for numerous IT openings in the area and expects to land a new gig within the next two weeks.
