BERKELEY, CA – Ending years of speculation, Celebrity Imam Hamza Yusuf announced his retirement “in the next few years” and selected Jon Stewart as his successor.
“I feel proud of all that we’ve been able to accomplish,” stated Yusuf, “But I look forward to some time away from the spotlight. [Jon] was the natural choice given his charisma, talent and knowledge of the faith. The ummah will be in good hands, insh’Allah. I won’t pull a Leno.”
When asked why the move was announced so far in advance, Yusuf stressed the need to be prepared, given “how late [Muslims] are to everything.”
Yusuf cited the Daily Show host’s depth of knowledge as one of the key reasons for the decision. Stewart seems to possess far greater knowledge of Islam and global Muslim culture than many Muslims, several of whom were confused as to who Hamza Yusuf might be or what an “imam” is.
“Wat r this lol idk,” tweeted one eyewitness, adding, “#confuzzled.”
Supporters add Stewart has done more than many prominent Muslim clerics to defend their faith in light of its harshest critics. However not all are happy about the move.
“I really thought this was going to be my moment,” lamented Conan O’Brien. “Jay probably had something to do with this.”
Another confused Muslim pondered, “Why can’t he stay? I didn’t know an imam could retire. Does he have an Islamic 401k or something?”
Most, however, are expressing cautious optimism.
“A lot of Muslims already know who he is and God knows my feed is full of Daily Show clips,” stated one supporter. “This isn’t a big stretch. Let’s just hope he can grow a better beard than [Imam Hamza] Yusuf.”
