95% Zabiha Halal Not Enough Controversy Erupts Over New Restaurant

'Kinda OK' hopes to avoid the fate of it's 90% zabiha halal predecessor, 'Kinda Haram.'

DEVON, IL – Yesterday, protesters gathered outside the grand opening of a new restaurant named “Kinda OK” on the famous Devon restaurant district.

Proudly proclaiming “95% Zabiha Halal Meat”, owners of the partially-permissible eating establishment maintain that reduced “zabihaness” allows them to save certain costs in food preparation, thus passing the savings along to their customers.

“We learned a lot from our failings. Our first restaurant was 90% zabiha halal but it’s clear that the market demanded more zabiha halal. We thought we’d up the ante to 95% with ‘Kinda OK’ and we’re confident that the consumers will respond,” explained co-owner Needan Akhal.

The restaurant menu features an assortment of semi-permissible treats and quasi-blessed foods including “Half-blessed” kabobs, “What’s In Them” Samosas and “Don’t Ask” Soup.

The mob of protestors, however, grew angrier throughout the day and shouts of “This is a cannot happen!” were common.

“What they are think is they do?” remarked one protestor. “This is so much of the stupid. What is a next thing, halal hotdogs?”

Oddly enough, the restaurant had a handful of patrons despite the fierceness of protestors.

“I’m not sure if this is all good or not but I figured that since I eat at McDonalds all the time, maybe 95% Zabiha Halal might give me 95% of the blessings that I ordinarily miss out on,” stated one patron who asked to remain anonymous.

Confusion broke out towards closing time for “Kinda OK” as protestors started to get hungry and a handful wandered into the restaurant for a bite to eat.

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