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Saudi Arabia To Participate In Miss Universe By Sending Model’s Male Guardian

Rashad Bin Abdullah is excited to represent his sister in the Miss Universe contest, calling it his "childhood dream."

For the first time in the Kingdom’s history, Saudi Arabia will participate in the Miss Universe beauty pageant by sending their contestant’s male guardian on her behalf.

29 year old model and content creator Rumy Albakhtani will be represented by her older brother Rashad bin Abdullah on the world stage.

“As a little boy I always dreamed of representing my sister or future wife in a beauty pageant,” said bin Abdullah as he struggled to fit into a sequin-laced bikini for the event’s swimsuit competition.

“This is a responsibility I take seriously, and that’s why i’m getting a perm for my chest and back hairs.”

Follow @islamicanews as this story gets hairier.

Airdropped US-Supplied Aid For Gaza Obliterated By US-Supplied Missile Fired On Gaza

On Saturday, U.S. supplied humanitarian aid dropped into Gaza was obliterated by U.S. supplied missiles and bombs also meant to be dropped on Gaza.

On Saturday, U.S. supplied humanitarian aid dropped into Gaza was obliterated by U.S. supplied missiles and bombs also meant to be dropped on Gaza.

Personnel at U.S. Central Command were reportedly frustrated as pallets of over 38,000 meals were destroyed by weapons delivered on pallets by President Biden just months prior.

“This has become a bit of a logistical conundrum for us,” said one official.

“We need to figure out if we want to drop our 2 ton bombs before we drop the humanitarian aid, or after. If we do it before, then what’s the point? BUT if we do it after, then what’s the point?”

The same officer mentioned that the Biden administration is open to more efficient delivery options.

“Perhaps if we place the bombs INSIDE the aid boxes, it will save us a trip?”

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#satire

To Win Muslim Customers Back, Starbucks Will Put Hijabs On Every Drink

In an effort to win Muslim customers back, Starbucks announced it will begin to put hijabs on its entire menu of drinks. Customer reactions to the new cups have been mixed.

In an effort to win Muslim customers back, Starbucks announced it will begin to put hijabs on its entire menu of drinks.

Over the past couple of months, Starbucks found itself at the center of a global boycott campaign which alleges the coffee giant’s support for Israel. They intend to put these allegations to rest with the introduction of the ‘Caramel Hijab-uccino,’ and other beverages.

Customer reactions to the new cups have been mixed. Some celebrated the efforts for inclusion and the business’ product innovation. Others struggled, as they spent 35 minutes ‘unraveling’ their coffee.

One Muslim patron complained about a grande sized strand of hair showing in his medium roast.

Some non-Muslim Americans were outraged and accused Starbucks of pushing the “Islamiization” of America

“This is terrorist coffee!” said Hank Williams at a drive-thru window in Arkansas.

“While I’m here, can I get two creeps of Splenda in my Shariah creep?”

In related news: Government of France Bans Hijab Coffee Cups

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Netanyahu Quietly Asks Elon Musk To Change Gaza’s Wifi Password

During a trip to Israel, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu asked Elon Musk to change Gaza's Wifi password.

On Monday, Benjamin Netanyahu quietly asked Elon Musk to change Gaza’s wifi password in order to prevent Palestinians from broadcasting real-time images of devastation and genocidal crimes to the rest of the world via social media.

Netanyahu made the request of Musk during the billionaire’s visit to Israel to address “information security” matters.

“I am not someone who is – how you say – tech savvy – or – how you say – honest,” said Netanyahu to Musk as he walked him over to a data closet right outside the Gaza strip.

“Perhaps you can reset the password to something else like ‘ithamasfault123’ or ‘ilovekillingbabies01’ or ‘idontwashmyhandsafterpeepee00’ so that they can’t log on.”

The Israeli Prime Minister also asked Musk to clear his web browsing history while he was at it.

Follow @islamicanews – for free wifi and free 🍉

Multi-talented Woman Has the Ability to Condemn Killing Of Certain Children and Promote The Killing of Certain Other Children All at the Same Time

25 year old Leah Coen has a remarkable ability to express two completely opposing thoughts in the same breath without a flinch.

25 year old, multi-talented Leah Coen can simultaneously condemn the killing of certain children while advocating the indiscriminate murder of certain other children in impressive, dissonant form.

The Brooklyn resident is remarkably capable of expressing two diametrically opposed thoughts without a discernible flinch.

“It’s disgusting what Hamas did to those babies, and it’s important that Israel continues to obliterate those other babies that had nothing to do with these babies and we should all be able to coexist because it’s our land not theirs and they need to leave and go somewhere else because we need to preserve life by killing every Palestinian man, woman and child. Peace, love and no ceasefire,” said Coen as she pouted her lips and posed for the gram.

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