SKOKIE, IL – The nation’s top convenience store clerk prospect, 15-Year Old Murad Jamal, recently hinted he’s close to deciding where he plans to “go pro” after he turns 16 next month. The clerical phenom rose to stardom as an illegal underage worker at his father’s BP gas station.
“Reporters have been following us everywhere and it’s getting distracting for me and my family,” stated Jamal. “We’ll make a decision in the next few days and hopefully the media frenzy subsides.”
The boy raised the eyebrows of many convenience store recruiters when he moved into management at the age of 14 based on his ability to speak non-broken English. Customers regularly praise Jamal’s hygiene and customer service skills. Industry analysts note he was a key player in his father’s annexation of a mobile accessories kiosk formerly belonging to his uncle.
“The kid can play, we’ve been watch the him for many whiles. He is showing us he’s ice blooded business man when he called immigration on his uncle during the kiosk takeover,” stated 7-Eleven HR specialist Harvinder Singh. “We’ll make a deal and sign him. Nobody else can offer the slurpee.”
Jamal’s other rumored suitors include Dunkin’ Donuts, Cricket Wireless and ISIS. Many believe the choice, however, will come down to 7-Eleven or Dunkin’ Donuts.
“He comes from a long pedigree of 7-Eleven clerks so they clearly have the inside track. But don’t count out Dunkin’s deep pockets,” stated Convenience Analyst Adam Squisher. “My sources tell me [Dunkin’] Donuts put together a signing bonus in excess of $50 coupled with a $9.50 hourly rate. That’s way over 7-Elevens typical rookie cap and they don’t want to get into a bidding war.”