INGLEWOOD, CA – In an unexpected move, the actor who portrays the infamous and oft-maligned Israeli Spokesman Mark Regev has resigned. Strangely, 54 Year Old Australian Actor Mark “Marty” Freiberg chose to announce his resignation on the MTV VMA red carpet while walking in as part of Chris Brown’s entourage.
“Chris called me up because he had a spot in the limo and so here I am. I want to thank the state of Israel for giving me the opportunity to showcase my talents on a global stage but it’s time to move on,” stated the visibly emotional actor. “It was a difficult decision, mates. I liked where we’d gone with the Regev character and how he seemed perfectly content to deny reality and basic facts. In many ways, his maniacal demeanor is my personal homage to Heath Ledger’s joker, an actor I’ve long admired.”
Freiberg went on to explain that he felt he’d gone “as far as anyone can go” to depict a depraved, stone-faced cover man for “obvious genocide and ethnic cleansing.” Freiberg cited decades of Israeli apartheid as another motivating factor.
“Look, I know I was kind of working for the devil here, but a blokes gotta eat,” added Freiberg. “It’s become harder and harder to maintain character with all this comical Israeli brutality. The character would be too far of an exaggeration to keep justifying this ongoing killing.”
Freiberg referenced several events in recent weeks where he broke character during onscreen interviews, including laughing at cue cards justifying Israel’s continued denial of civilian casualties and International human rights violations.
“One Sheila asked why we carpet bombed a Palestinian zoo. A zoo, for Christ’s sake,” exclaimed Freiberg. “I didn’t have any idea that happened so I ad-libbed some rubbish about Hamas hiding under the elephants and walruses. I couldn’t keep it together so I just pulled out the mic and walked off the set laughing.”
Freiberg added that he feels great not having to wear “that damn suit” anymore and planned to spend the coming weeks vacationing “somewhere way the hell away from [the middle east].”
Rumors are buzzing that Mel Gibson may soon be chosen to replace Freiberg. It’s unknown if he’ll assume the Regev role or introduce a new character altogether.
