Phoenix, AZ – Lost amongst a sea of Toyota Camrys, Honda Accords, and other Japanese imports is an island of Harley-Davidsons and chopper motorbikes belonging to armed protestors. This is the scene at todays anti-Islam protest in a Phoenix area mosque parking lot. The demonstrators, largely comprised of local-area biker gangs, had their motorcycles boxed in by Muslim latecomers oblivious to conventional parking protocol.
“I’m late for work!” exclaimed Jon Dougin, a frustrated protestor and self-proclaimed patriot. “My damn bike’s surrounded by three cars and I can’t go nowhere! Never seen these many Camrys in my life!”
The anti-Islam protestors maintain they are peaceful, as many brandish semi-automatic weapons while families with children walk past.
“There I was gripping my TEC-9, sneering at some raghead toddler,” said a peaceful protestor who goes by the name Haterade.
Haterade was shocked to witness such blatant disregard of parking etiquette, remarking, “Who are these savages?!?”
Another biker claimed he wasn’t part of the biker gang rally, but rather part of the Muslim Tableeghi Jama’at.
Demonstrators were further frustrated by the Muslims’ lack of punctuality, having to endure the congregation’s hour-long delay. Inside the mosque, leaders could be heard over the P.A. system announcing a long list of makes, models and license plates of cars allegedly blocking protestors’ motorcycles.
“Brothers, I tell you every damn week. If you’re blocking cars in the parking lot, move out right away,” announced Kamal Ashfaq, director of the Islamic Community of Phoenix. “That principle also applies to motorcycles and, should the need arise, unicycles.”
Delayed, some confused and hungry protestors succumbed to their hunger and bought food being sold for a mosque fundraiser, including tea and middle-eastern shwarmas.
“I heard they were selling beer,” said Haterade. “But it’s really some [expletive] they call Beer Yaani? Anyways it’s [expletive] delicious.”
As of 4PM, a small group of demonstrators could still be seen sitting on their bikes waiting for the remaining congregants to move their cars. Out of the estimated 30 rally participants, six are believed to have converted to Islam.