REDNECK COUNTY, IL – Nearly seven years have passed since the founding of the Muslim Student Association at Cornopolis Community College in Redneck County, but the student organization is still struggling to find out exactly what it should be doing.
“It’s hopeless”, lamented MSA President Qutub Butuq, “We don’t have any clue.”
“We hold fundraising dinners every few months and order pizzas at every general body meeting,” remarked Qutub while munching on a slice of deep-dish pizza.
While relatively small compared to other organizations on campus, the MSA currently has three executive board members, zero non-executive members and 12 Hindus that show up every week for free pizza.
Despite several failed attempts at doing something positive for the college community, several members of the MSA have begun questioning the existence of the organization, as well.
Defending the organization, MSA Vice President Ali Gora noted that the organization has made several attempts to “do Islamic stuff and make people Muslim” such as telling people that he’s Muslim, staring at them blankly for a while and then running away nervously.
MSA Secretary Chikita Banana added, “We’ve also ordered and distributed Dawa pamphlets into trash receptacles all over campus.”
The most noted activity in the history of the MSA occurred back in 1992 when the MSA successfully banned the use of pork in remedial math classes.
Prior to the ban, it was common practice for students of those classes to have a final exam that consisted of counting the number of toes on a pigs foot and receiving pork rinds as rewards for good deeds.
At a recent fundraising dinner organized by the MSA, President Qutub was asked exactly how the MSA plans to spend the money they have accrued over the past few years of inactivity.
“Here, have some pizza,” he replied with a nervous smile, “Would you like something to drink?”
In light of the recent flurry of questions regarding the validity of their organization, the MSA intends on holding an emergency meeting to discuss whether or not they should have a meeting to discuss the purpose of their meetings.
Deep-dish cheese pizza and non-alcoholic beverages will be served at the meeting.
