Dear Parents/Guardians,
We’d like to welcome you back to the new school year and what a year it’s been! You may have seen a small blurb about a recent incident at the school. We’d like to make sure everyone’s informed as God hates hearsay as much as he hates heresy!
Your child’s safety and well-being is always our top priority, unless that child happens to be non-white or a girl. We were informed a student arrived at the school yesterday and was, in fact, a Muslim. The student had several suspicious items and potential weapons including a clock, glasses, school books and questioning curiosity.
Upon discovering this, we had the insurgent immediately questioned and arrested. We are pleased to report that after the police department’s assessment, the items discovered at school did not pose a threat to your child’s safety. Thank Jesus he didn’t have any bullets.
Our school is cooperating fully with the ongoing police investigation. In light of this attack, we’ll be holding a school assembly later today to address questions and concerns.
To avoid potential hostility during the assembly, we’re asking minority students to sit in a special, protected section of the bleachers. This section will have metal detectors and armed police officers as a precaution for the safety of those children as well as our other normal kids.
Our mascot, “Shooty” the Cowboy, will be give a speech on safety and non-violence. Please be aware that all students will be required to take a pledge and swear oath to God and government.
To parents of Muslim families, in particular, please note you’re more than welcome to practice Sharia law in your homes but bringing any of that ooga booga stuff into the classroom is strictly against the Irving ISD Student Code of Conduct and applicable laws.
Finally, I’d like to remind you that our school bake sale is this Friday. We’ll have a wide assortment of cupcakes, cookies, and non-explosive baked goods. Please remember to send $5 with your children if they wish to participate. Any students using their $5 to fund Hamas will be arrested.
Thank you for your understanding and support of MacArthur High School as we do everything we can for your child’s safety.
Sincerely,
Don Cummings
Principal
