DEARBORN, MI – The community is reeling as local IT worker Mohsin Kamal continues his merciless assault on anyone within a 10 foot radius. Nearing one week of fasting in the holy month of Ramadan, Kamal exhibits careless disregard for his rapidly deteriorating oral condition.
“Ramadan is a blessed time and we all know the breath of the faster is revered in the sight of our Creator,” stated one close Muslim friend. “But there’s a limit to that funk. Do they make an electric miswak?”
Kamal, 32, routinely stands “too damn close” and frequently gets excited, spraying his saliva onto helpless bystanders. Local mosque officials are also complaining of a dwindling congregation due to Kamal’s antics.
“He’s one of those guys shouts ‘Ameen’ during prayer, causing others to become disoriented and injured,” stated the imam. “Frankly, it smells like someone defecated in the prayer hall. We’re not sure if he’s farting and blaming his breath. Either that or perhaps he eats garbage for suhur?”
According to numerous reports, Kamal used to have a beard but his breath fumes burned off his facial hair. However some positively remarked his “circle of stank” forms a natural protective barrier around the mosque, guarding worshippers from Islamophobic attacks and protests.
His co-workers, however, are demanding Kamal be reassigned to a non-help desk role.
“Everyone’s been calling in sick just to avoid Moe,” stated receptionist Jenny Bradford. “I know there’s only eight employees but we need to either get remote assistance or everyone’s buying gas masks.”