Washington, DC – NRA money fell from the sky during Thursday morning’s live broadcast of the GOP response to the latest US mass shooting.
Swaths of cash could be seen falling over House Speaker Paul Ryan’s head as he spoke to reporters and offered the most ‘thoughts and prayers’ in American history. Bills in one hundred dollar denominations could be seen fluttering down rapidly as the Wisconsin representative attributed the tragedy to mental illness and called for law enforcement to make American schools and public spaces more safe for our children.
“At one point a hundred dollar bill stuck to Mr. Ryan’s mouth, silencing him in a way,” said camera man Sean McMullin. “It was almost… poetic.”
Ryan then peeled the hundred dollar bill from his face and told reporters that he wished he had packed an umbrella, and that he was ‘relieved’ the money wasn’t sent down as coins.
The cash tapered off abruptly when it seemed that Ryan would mention the weapon used in the shooting. However, Ryan steered his statement back to more sentiments of consolation, and in turn, the money resumed a dense flow.
When asked about the bizarre event, the 54th Speaker of the House offered very little explanation.
“I’m not sure why it happened, but I can tell you one thing… it wasn’t because of climate change.”