Washington, DC – President Barack Obama experienced some abdominal pains Tuesday morning, as he continued to digest his iftar from last night’s Annual Ramadan Dinner.
“I don’t know if it was the pagodas (pakora), the fruit chaat, or maybe it was the second helping of dahi baray with the masala,” said the Commander-in-Chief as he rubbed his stomach and let out a reverberating belch.
Obama then pulled out a date pit from his pocket and tried to recall how it got there.
The Annual Ramadan Dinner is a tradition at the White House, and was started by Bill Clinton during his presidency. George W. Bush carried on the tradition post 9-11, and Obama is now hosting his fourth dinner for Muslims that gather from around the world.
First lady Michelle Obama had to push the President away, as he tried to give her a kiss after dinner.
“I don’t know what toxic concoction he ate, but from the sound of the menu, none of that food should be going together,” said the first lady as she expressed slight disgust. “It didn’t smell right. He ran into the room sweating, and then bent over like he was in severe pain, and kept saying ‘I ate a pagoda!’ I said, you ate a WHAT?!?”
This year’s dinner coincides with Israel’s controversial operation in Gaza, which triggered some Muslims to boycott last night’s event. The White House reiterated its full support for Israel, and the President once again blamed Hamas for the current conflict.
“No country can accept rockets fired indiscriminately at citizens,” Obama said. “And so we’ve been very clear that Israel has the right to defend itself against what I consider to be inexcusable attacks from Hamas.”
For many guests, this was perceived as a one-sided and skewed interpretation.
Attendee Shaikh Khaled Mabuti, who decided to attend last night’s dinner, was asked how he felt about what the President had to say.
“I didn’t hear what he said, but this Mango Lassi is effing delicious!” said the Imam from the Midwest.
Obama plans to address his gastrointestinal issues with frequent trips to the restroom and doses of Hajmola.