Texas School Celebrates Brilliant White Student’s Homemade Clock “We’re not sure what it is, but I’m pretty sure it can cure cancer.”

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White student Alfred Mulholland is presented a lifetime award for his brilliance in creating a suspicious homemade clock out of a pencil box and circuit boards.

Irving, TX – A Texas high school celebrated a moment of innovation and genius yesterday as 14-year-old student Alfred Mulholland revealed a clock he made using a pencil box, a circuit board and wires.

The staff at Irving High School were made aware of the student’s invention when the improvised device emitted a beeping sound from the student’s backpack, drawing the attention of Mulholland’s English teacher, Karen Davis.

“I asked him, ‘What in devil is that? And WHY are you keeping this gem all to yourself?'” said the 43-year old instructor.

“It kinda looked like a bomb, but there was something about the complexion of his skin that just didn’t add up.”

Davis admitted that she didn’t know what the device was, but strongly believed it “held the potential to cure cancer.”

Other faculty members were invited to witness the modern marvel. After reviewing the clock, Principal Dave Cummings called for a mandatory pep-rally.

“Normally our pep-rallies are planned events, but this was an extraordinary circumstance,” said Cummings, who has been with the district for 10 years.

“It’s not every day our white students make suspicious looking clocks!”

By noon, the school auditorium was packed with enthusiastic students and teachers amidst a shower of confetti and balloons as Europe’s ‘Final Countdown’ blared over the speakers. A laser hologram of a blinking ’12:00′ flashed behind a team of cheerleaders doing the robot with oversized clocks around their necks.

The school presented Mulholland with the district’s “Lifetime Achievement Award for Innovation” and invited him to speak on stage.

“Well to be honest, it was actually a failed bomb experiment,” said the caucasian freshman as he revealed the project to his fellow classmates.

After a brief period of pin-drop silence, the crowd erupted in cheers as the ‘Final Countdown’ blared once more.

Members of the local police department were invited to quit their jobs, as a sense of peace prevailed across the suburb of Dallas.

Ahmed Mohamed, a fellow student and self-proclaimed inventor mentioned that he had made a similar invention, but was told to “shut up” because “today is ‘Alfred Mulholland Day.'”

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