Halalco issued a massive recall on their 15,000 PSI, Ultra-High Powered Muslim Shower – the industrial-grade, handheld bidet many Muslims use to rinse their nether-regions as prescribed by their faith. This, after a number of customers experienced several bidet-related accidents, some resulting in major injuries.
Consumer protection advocates warn the high pressured jet stream of water from the bidet’s nozzle can strip off entire layers of skin, and eventually cut through bone, resulting in severed limbs.
Earlier today, first responders walked into a north side residence to find 41 year old Imran Ali lodged in the bathroom ceiling at his waist, apparently launched into the air by a single pump of the bidet’s handle hours, or possibly, days before. His suspended body trembled, as his legs dangled down with pants pulled down around the ankles. Ali then tried to unsuccessfully twist and turn his torso through the 12 inch hole in the dry wall, only to grow more frustrated.
“Is someone down there? Can you… Can you grant me some dignity and cover up my backside?” asked Ali seemingly unaware his gluteus maximus had just been completely dismembered from the rest of his body.
“All I wanted was a squeaky clean ass.”
Halalco defended its product, saying customers are instructed to use the Muslim Shower with glancing blows.
“The instruction clearly state, no direct pressure to pee pee, poo poo places,” said a company spokesperson.
Follow @islamicanews and have a great bidet!