Issues Controversial New Fatwa Declares All Other Websites Haram


KARACHI, OH – Some time after Fajr this morning, Websheikh Angree Mufasaa warned his website visitors that surfing other websites is now considered haram.

The fatwa also outlines a new “e-Shariah” form of punishment for violators of the ruling.

Punishments include “virtual stoning e-mail” forwards, directing violators to a page that plays a “whiplash” audio file and restricting broadband violators to 14.4k dialup speeds.

News of the e-fatwa ruling drew varied reactions from the online Muslim community.

“This is terrible, my site traffic has really taken a hit,” stated a visibly-disturbed owner from competing website “What next? What if he declares himself the e-Khalif?”

Others, such as 14-year old Waleem Fuzail applauded the decision.

“There’s so much fitnaa and bidaah and haraam and kufaaar out there,” stated the passionate youth. “His site has none of that. He just has one page with big red letters that say “HARAAM” and his fatwas are listed below. I really aaplaaud what the Imaam is doing for Islaam.”

Another site regular stated, “I really respect the Websheikh. He’s visited just about every link on Google for the keyword ‘islam’ so he’s very knowledgeable. I guess I’ll just have to make my default homepage and make sure not to click on any of his banner ads.”

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