SILIKHAN DESERT, CA – According to a press release this morning, Islamicorp President Samir Sansalat ushered in a new era of Islamic software. Named “Virtual Jum’ma”, the latest software release by the makers of “CyberWudu” and “E-Hajj” promises to continue the efforts by the California-based software giant.
“We developed this program because we feel that the technology is finally in place to allow for it to happen”, stated Sansalat. “Quite often, I find myself too busy to go to prayers and I feel really guilty when I miss out on Jum’ma. Now I don’t have to.”
Users of the software are transported into the “Virtual Masjid”, which is a modified level from the popular Quake computer game. When entering the Virtual Masjid, users are given their first challenge by finding a place to store their “virtual sandals.” Once inside the prayer hall, the “virtual e-mam” gives a “virtual khutba” to the user and other “virtual Muslims.”
“It’s virtually amazing! Get it??? Why doesn’t anybody get that joke?” stated Sansalat during our phone interview.
To add further levels of realism to the prayer experience, animated characters scroll by every two minutes asking the user to “please donate generously to the Virtual Masjid.” The software also requires users to click on banner advertising every minute in order to be diverted from the speech. Failure to click on a banner ad results in the loss of your “virtual wudu.”
Islamicorp called on the talents of those involved in real-life masjids to assist in the development effort for the Virtual Masjid. One man brought on in the early stages of software development was world-renowned sign maker Ayman Bughali.
“I got to make the signs!” he exclaimed with glee. “You see that one that says ‘Welcome to Wirtual Realty Musjit’? I did that one. But they would not let me make the estop sign…”
Islamicorp made sure to add features to broaden the appeal of their product, as well.
“We added a feature called the ‘Quick mode’ that allows you to opt out of the khutba completely and just catch the final two virtual rukus – just like in real life,” boasted Sansalat.
“We also added some cheat codes that will allow you to speed up the khutba, steal someone else’s shoes on the way out, and turn on the air conditioning so you don’t have to see everyone sweat.”
The premise of the software has some area Imams visibly upset.
“What I do for the now on?” lamented Imam Bilal Urduwalla, well known for giving Urdu khutbas despite the fact that his Friday congregation consists entirely of eastern European Muslims. “I will be finding these Virtual Jum’ma guy a giving him a piece of my tongue.”