YOMAMA, KHABSISTAN – In what seems to be a habitual pattern of souring international relations, Prime Minister Iftikhar Boutros Gilani of the self-declared nation of Khabsistan announced yet another severing of diplomatic dealings.
Khabsistan, which is still trying to gain its geographical recognition next to Pakistan on the globe, has spent its past two weeks cutting off ties with other nations around the world. So far, leaders from the United States, Russia, Laos, Luxembourg, Portugal, China, and Mexicans all around the world have been banned from marrying Gilani’s daughter.This time Gilani has focused his rage towards Zaire’s premiere, standing high in the nation’s legislative court exclaiming, “That idiot in Afrikha, he cannot do it! He cannot marry my daughter!”
Analysts estimate that this list of nations is expected to exceed 100 by the end of the week.
“If I even catch them looking or talking to my daughter, I will kill him to the death!” Gilani shouted, waving his mahogany cane in the air.
“I know what they want to do it, but I will let them not!”
Gilani does not appear to be an individual who would freely issue the nation’s worst insult. His appearance is more of a pacifist, standing at 5’6″ (Khabsistan’s tallest) in the traditional loongi (the western equivalent of a wraparound plaid skirt), an occasional tobacco stained T-shirt, and extravagant bathroom slippers.
“But boy does he pack a donkey’s kick when he talks,” says Raj Pakhanawala, one of the 150 residents living in the country. “When babajee speaks, two of my ears listen!”
But are the rest of the worlds’ two ears really listening?
When President Clinton was asked for comment, he replied “Khabsa-who? Listen we’re working on the Timor situation the best we know how at this moment. Peace will blossom in that part of the world.”
Tony Blair of Britain jokingly remarked, “If I were interested in skinny girls with mustaches, then it may matter to me…but seriously, I’m married already.”
The Khabsistan male population echoes numerous sentiments of concern. One of the country’s homeless cries as he urinates in the metropolitan river, “If ‘Babajee’ were to ever restrict me from marrying his daughter, I don’t know what I would do. I’d lose my dignity.”
The local population seems to ignore the fact that Gilani does not even have a daughter.
In last week’s tirade, Gilani went on to point out that he wished he had two daughters so he could pack twice the insult.”Just the thought of such a horrible deprivation is enough for me,” says Bobby, the country’s finance minister as well as Commander of the court’s Military. “I sure feel sorry for that Harry Clinton.”
Currently, tensions are developing between Khabsistan and the Men’s World Homosexual Federation.
“The last thing this sovereign power needs is gayism ideology” Gilani defends. “I’m afraid there is a slight possibility for them to receive the insult.”
For the upcoming weeks, the rest of the world must sit and watch this small man wave his mahogany cane in the air, anticipating who next will be unworthy of his imaginary daughter.