KARACHI, PAKISTAN – “It was hate at first sight,” stated 58-Year Old Maruf Chaudry while reflecting on his 40 years of marriage. “The youngster[s] these days, they have no idea. Hate marriage is a lost art.”
Chaudry’s attitude is reflective of many elders in the Muslim community. He proudly noted he and his wife have a very business-like relationship and “almost never” talk beyond required exchanges of information.
This is in stark contrast to increasing numbers of youth who are choosing willful marriage to someone with whom they share mutual, genuine interest.
“Why should they have a choice? I was 14 and I didn’t choose,” mentioned Chaudry’s wife. “My parents were worried I would expire and picked this guy. I hated him from the moment I met him. My first, true hate.”
Mrs. Chaudry stated she would “readily kill” her husband if it weren’t for the fact he’s the sole breadwinner in the family. Despite this, she mentioned she’s attempted to murder him “at least five times” through the course of their marriage.
The Chaudry’s aren’t alone. 64-Year Old Hassan Salaam reflected, “My great grandfather had two wives. Hated both of them equally. We didn’t know about his other family until after he died and we hated them, too. It was beautiful.”
Salaam went on to detail the secrets of his own 30 year marriage.
“It’s not always easy, but you learn to hate everything about her gradually over time, including her family. When things get rocky, don’t be afraid to see a marriage counselor. They can help find new ways to rekindle the hate.”
While traditionalists admit that hate-based relationships are far from ideal, they cite their long-standing endurance as proof points that hate marriages work.
According to a 2014 study by the Institute of Islamic Marriage Science, hate marriages last an average of 45 years longer than love marriages. The institute, founded over a century ago, has issued the same report every year despite lacking transparency in their methodology, overall integrity and being filled with numerous spelling errors.
“People talk about same sex marriage. We have a no-sex marriage,” laughed Mrs. Salaam in front of a visibly-frustrated Mr. Salaam. “No matter what you do, don’t even consider divorce. That would bring shame to everyone and occasionally results in acid attacks or honor killings.”