CLEVELAND, OH – After Friday prayer at a local mosque, many worshippers were surprised to witness the conversion of a US Army MQ-1C “Warrior” UAV drone. Following a controversial tour of duty in Pakistan, the remorseful drone returned home pondering many of life’s questions. Exposure to Muslim culture overseas led the drone to the Islamic center.
Many noted that in recent weeks, the drone had visited with increased regularity.
“I saw it flying around the back of the prayer hall a few times,” stated Mosque Regular Asad Zaman. “One day my son wandered toward it and I screamed, running after him terrified. Then I noticed [the drone] was more afraid of us than we are of it. I feel silly for being prejudiced.”
During a tearful shahada ceremony, the drone remarked “it was time” when it realized the Cleveland metro resembles the rubble and civilian destruction it left behind in Pakistan.
While not obligatory, the drone chose the Muslim name “Hakeem” to honor its first civilian casualty and also mentioned being a huge basketball fan.
The drone acknowledged its path to Islam wasn’t always smooth. Because of its time in Pakistan, it could understand parts of Friday speeches always given in Urdu but remarked it felt “many uncomfortable stares and whispers” from fellow worshippers.
“Despite being shunned by a few of us, [the drone] always tries to be respectful and quiet in the mosque,” stated one worshipper. “But it’s kind of hard to be silent with those screeching jet engines.”
The drone apologized for the past and potential future collateral deaths of “[its] new brothers and sisters.” It added “a light bulb was going off” in reference to its spiritual awakening, after which terrified worshippers screamed and ran to the exits.