Mosque Installs Giant Claw To Extract Worshippers Who Don’t Turn Their Cell Phones Off During Prayer

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A suburban Chicago mosque recently installed a giant crane in its prayer hall to enforce a strict no cell phone policy.

Chicago, IL – A local mosque has taken dire steps to preserve the sanctity of prayer by installing a giant robotic crane perched at the top of its prayer hall.

“My phone went off during Zuhur prayers,” said Ali Siddiqui who was picked up by the claw earlier today. “I could feel this large metallic clamp lift me up and out of the hall, and then dropped me in this 1000 gallon dunking booth. Why does the mosque have a dunking booth?!?!” 

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