Nobody Really Knows, Trusts Local Halal Butcher Who Is This Guy, Anyway?

The butchers numerous questionable practices are showcased regularly.

NAPERVILLE, IL – Despite serving the community for over 25 years, many locals have recently begun questioning the trustworthiness of local halal butcher shop “Meats, Sweets & DVDs.”

According to, reviewers cite a lack of sanitary conditions and mention the butcher’s frequent use of bare hands and, occasionally, feet as part of the butchering process.

Complaints also include overcharging customers for sub-standard “mystery meat.”

“I ordered two whole chickens. I don’t know what he wheeled out in that rusty cart from the freezer, but that bloody, purple lump is not [expletive] chicken,” claimed one angry reviewer.

“I don’t really know where he gets his meat from but it’s always bad,” wrote another 1-star review. “It smells like feet and mangoes. Why does he always give meat in blood-smeared grocery bags that are obviously stolen from the local supermarket?”

Critics also mention the shop carries a variety of questionable frozen meats, such as Tyson Thick-Cut Maple Bacon, with the words “Halal Version” scribbled on the package with a permanent marker.

Many have expressed a desire to find a better halal butcher yet helplessly come back to “Meats, Sweets and DVDs” due to its close proximity, wide selection of DVDs, samosas and general apathy over the quality of food they serve their families.

“The butcher there, his name Bilal or Baha or something, I wonder where he’s from,” questioned one resident. “He never mentions his family and speaks broken English. I tried Arabic, Urdu and Farsi. Nothing. He just shakes his head, looks confused and swats me away.”

Bilal or Baha recently showed up to work despite being very ill and many complained his runny nose left something extra in everyone’s meat bags.

“I was puking and diarrhetic for three days,” claimed one unhappy customer. “Part of my soul is lost. He looks like he hates his job and is clearly taking it out on us.”

Some recently noticed the butcher is missing two of his fingers and a toe, prompting many to fear their ground beef orders may not have been entirely ground beef.

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