BOLLYWOOD, CA – On the heels of last week’s 9/11 tragedy, *NSHALLAH denounced rumors they’re cancelling the remaining dates on their “We’ve Got Green Cards” tour.
“Like, the show must go on and stuff,” stated frontman Justan ‘Baby Child’ Dimbrelek, “There are, like, lots and lots of depressed and young, lonely, single teen girls that need, like, our music to go on. And besides, we’re not married yet.”
The five-member band rose to stardom earlier this year when their hit single “You’re So Hot, Marry Me Baby” debuted on their local public access TV station.
“We’ve got to stay strong, be positive and stay popular because we aren’t getting any younger,” stated 35-year old band-member Zaki ‘The Other Guy’ Yusuf, visibly concerned regarding his lingering bachelorhood.
Marital concerns aside, *NSHALLAH has voiced concerns that continuing their tour will be a challenge in light of the recent Anti-Muslim hate crimes running rampant.
“We hope that, like, members of the KKK don’t show up to our place and stuff. I personally have been harassed because, like, this one time some old woman came up to me and gave me a dirty look. That hurt. A lot,” sobbed Dimbrelek.
“We’re gonna have to heighten security or something. Who knows when the next really old lady may walk past and give us dirty looks and stuff. Right?”
*NSHALLAH is one of several prominent Muslim musical acts echoing a desire a return to “normal, preteen popstar-admiring life.”
Popstar Ricky Raheem bin Al-Marteen recently announced that his sold-out HBO special, “Livin’ Without a Lota,” would air this coming weekend as scheduled.
