LOS ANGELES, CA – Recently forced into retirement, area resident Donald Sterling looks forward to rejoining the workforce with renewed focus as an Islamaphobe.
“Let’s be honest, a man of my principles is considered outdated within the public forum,” explained Sterling as he sipped some juice. “But a few steps to the right and I’m instantly relevant.”
Sterling mentioned he got the idea while “on the sauce watching Fox News” and was inspired to reach out to the bigoted media outlet. As a result, he expressed optimism that he could join the broadcaster “as early as next week” as an on-air terrorism expert.
“I was a little reluctant at first, but they comforted me as we share similar views. They wanted a Muslamic expert guy who can talk about the camel jockeys,” stated Sterling as he poured another glass of juice. “I dated a bedouin lady in the 70’s and they sent me a copy of the holy koala so I think I’ll be fine.”
“Ooga booga,” he added while rolling his eyes and waving his hands.