CHICAGO, IL – Community leaders and authorities are warning of a scam involving the sale of extended warranties for wudu, the Muslim ablution process.
Law enforcement officials cite increased reports from citizens receiving phone calls and cleverly-worded e-mail claiming protection against the accidental loss or breaking of Wudu. Authorities believe these scammers made away with more than one million dollars from bogus insurance premiums.
Victims claim scammers establish credibility by outlining numerous common scenarios for wudu loss such as passing gas, cursing, thinking of spiritually unlawful thoughts, or the occasional flashing of a knee cap.
“It was like he was speaking to me, peering into my shameful soul,” claimed one hapless victim.
Once convinced, victims are led to believe that by purchasing the insurance, the state of wudu can be protected up to one year from the time of an initial rinse.
Desperate souls flocked to the idea of an accident protection plan against their wudu, as many saw it as a practical solution to a common problem.
Hussain Iftikhar purchased $500 worth of the phony wudu insurance, claiming that it would help him get through the day.
“If you’re subjected to the type of foods my family cooks, with all the lentils, spices, and such, you’ll know that preserving your wudu is a minute by minute challenge,” Iftikhar said. “I thought all my problems were solved. I didn’t do wudu for three months! Then I happened to visit Snopes.com one day, and my faith in humanity was shattered.”
Director of the local Islamic Society and Part-time Matchmaker Shaikh Khalid Mabuti, states that there is no truth to claims of protecting Wudu through insurance plans.
“If you fart, or sh*t your pants, you have to do Wudu all over again, just like the rest of us gentiles,” explained Mabuti.
