Tableeghi Jamaat Picks Terrible Day for Halloween Dawa’ah Shariah Creepers' Door-To-Door Visits Yield Many Candies, Treats


In a developing story, members of a local Tableeghi Jamaat are currently horrified their anti-Halloween dawah event is backfiring. The event was originally scheduled for last week but experienced numerous delays as jama’at members “couldn’t show up on time” to planning meetings.

Members are describing the unfortunate coincidence, as jama’at members are going door-to-door and being mistaken for spooks and ghouls.

“We don’t like the Halloweens [sic] and it’s an act of kuffar,” noted a jama’at spokesman. “We only want to warn Muslims of the haram in celebrating this holiday. You don’t wanna accidentally worship shaytan or false idols, do you?”

“Every house we visit, they drop the chocolate candies into our bag of pamphlets and closes the door!”

Jama’at members added they’ve handed out zero pamphlets, yet collected “14 Snickers bars, 4 Butterfingers, $3.50 in spare change, and six of those ‘awful hard peanut butter candies nobody likes. You know, the ones that come in those black and orange wrappers?'”

“It’s very insulting when someone answers the door and asks if you’re a werewolf or Jake Arrieta,” noted one member. “I’m a White Sox fan. And these gummy bears have gelatin.”

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