JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA – Archaeologists made an accidental, startling discovery while performing a dig in South Africa earlier today.
“I suspected for a long time, but now I can confirm it’s true,” stated Project Leader Mumbatoo Mohammad, “There he was, sleeping on the job as usual. Mufasa has got to be the world’s worst Muslim.”
Mumbatoo was referring to Mufasa Mohammad, his younger brother who has a longstanding and infamous reputation amongst the locals in this region.
“He never prays or does things he’s supposed to do. And he does plenty he’s not supposed to do,” stated a visibly-perturbed Mumbatoo.
“Mufasa’s been married to about twenty women thus far and I’m pretty sure he beat all of them.”
The stories don’t stop there.
In late June of this year, Mufasa was charged with CRUI (camel riding under the influence) and resisting arrest as he led policemen on a three-day chase.
“We would’ve gotten him sooner, but we were on foot,” recalled one of the arresting officers.
Mumbatoo then proceeded to back-bite everyone at the police station in the days following his arrest.
“Despite a few attempted murders, he hasn’t killed anyone yet. But if he doesn’t take a shower soon, I think he might,” remarked long-time neighbor Rafiki Udaiyoo. The wudu-impaired Mufasa hasn’t offered any form of prayer since the beginning of apartheid in 1948.
“He sometimes shows up to the masjid just before congregation and holds up the jamaat while we wait for him. He doesn’t even pray, he just shows up to make us wait on him. I hate that,” stated one local man.
When asked for comment on his misguided behavior, Mufasa replied, “Gotta love me. I’m still better than the world’s best non-Muslim.”
The world’s best non-Muslim, Stanley Thompson of Milwaukee, Wisconsin was unavailable for comment.