American Muslims Urge Oklahoma to Secede Might As Well, Nobody Listening to Reason

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Bennett was supported by a mysterious, unnamed figure who chimed in with a menacing laugh every few minutes.

TULSA, OK- In the wake of ignorant Islamophobic comments by their elected leaders, a recent USA Today poll revealed that the majority of American Muslims are urging Oklahoma to secede from the union.

“I don’t really know if America benefits by having the state of Oklahoma,” stated one respondent. “But I know that with the recent hatred spewing out of those right-wing nut jobs, we could probably do without that place.”

American Muslims are disappointed by House Representative John Bennett’s recent outbursts against Islam and Muslims when he called them a “cancer” that needed to be “cut out”.

“I never liked Muslims and I don’t like negroes,” stated Bennett. “And if you’re a negro Muslim then to hell with you.”

The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) in Oklahoma demanded an apology but were instead threatened with beheadings by fellow ignorants, many of whom are other elected officials in the state full of apparent morons.

“Johnny’s gotta learn to tone it down,” stated Texas Representative Louie Gohmert, one of Bennett’s mentors. “He’s at an 8 or 9 and he needs to tone it down to a 3. We all agree with him but, Jesus, he’s gonna piss off all the colored folks and lose his damn electionation.”

At press time, the Oklahoma City Thunder were investigating the possibility of moving back to Seattle.

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