LAS VEGAS, NV – Earlier today during a routine inspection, an area landlord was terrified to discover one of his tenant residences in shambles.
“It looks like a bomb went off in here. There’s garbage and hookahs everywhere,” explained the building manager. “We have a strict no-smoking policy which they’ve obviously ignored.”
Neighbors described the previous night’s events as “burly bearded dudes gone wild” and animal control crews were called onto the scene after a baby camel was discovered asleep in the bathtub.
The tenants, a previously-unknown terrorist group known as “La-la-la-khhh,” was quick to claim responsibility for the mess via their Twitter account.
“We messed up,” tweeted @Lalalakhhh. “The party was totally radical, as planned, but things escalated way too quickly.”
National security experts believe the group was planning a suicide operation and perhaps enjoying their last night alive.
“One of our car bombers showed up with a bag of opiates, things turned sideways and I think we all blacked out,” noted @Lalalakhhh. “We woke up covered in the stench of sheesha and camel urine. This is rock bottom.”
“We keep screwing things up,” noted the reflecting, depressed faction.
The self-deprecating group went on to explain that things haven’t been going “very well” for them, noting many members are alienated from friends and family and question whether or not they’re “terrorist material.”
@Lalalakhhh tweeted “We never meant to hurt anybody” but quickly backtracked, clarifying they meant to kill infidels, however openly questioned how they could tell whether or not people were actually infidels.
“In the end, we obviously have to do some soul-searching. This is shameful, even by our standards,” noted the remorseful group. “We’ve got to get our lives back together, so we’re checking into rehab and will probably bomb the clinic afterwards.”
Later tweets mentioned their explosives specialist is still missing and requested anyone with clues of his whereabouts to contact them.
