DES MOINES, IA – A 15-year federal sting operation has netted an evil lurking within area Islamic centers. The suspect, identified as 37-year old Pakistani native Ayman Bughali, is facing over 400 counts of footwear theft spanning several years.
Bughali, a trusted pillar of the Muslim community and the mosque’s graphic designer, was responsible for numerous misspelled signs, flyers, and recently launched the mosque website IslamCentorDonutGeneriously.com. Authorities apprehended Bughali this past weekend after he attempted to sell a pair of sandals to an undercover detective. He was heard screaming “Chappals! My beautiful chappals!” while being led away in handcuffs.
In early 2000, Bughali was spotted leaving the Islamic Center with four pairs of bathroom slippers tucked into the back pocket of his jeans. Mosque administrators informed local police, who subsequently escalated the matter to federal authorities.
“We honestly didn’t expect to track [Bughali] for this long,” stated FBI Lead Investigator John Michaels. “It was petty theft but then 9/11 happened and the Patriot act gave us this new power. We figured what the hell, let’s see what makes these Muslamics tick.”
“Weeks turned into months and we were puzzled why a man would steal dollar-store bathroom slippers. Years went by trying to reconcile this odd pattern of behavior,” stated Michaels. “Some detectives organized a betting pool on whether he’s a serial killer. Thankfully, it was just shoes.”
After raiding Bughali’s apartment, authorities recovered dozens of leather sandals, flip-flops, dirty sneakers, leather socks, a vintage pair of 1992 Air Jordan’s, six pairs of women’s shoes and a large assortment of single, unpaired footwear.
“The unpaired footwear is the most disturbing,” noted Michaels. “Why would he have so many single sandals and shoes? Was he stealing from one-legged worshippers? Was he selling to one-legged terrorists? If so, why haven’t these peg-leg terrorists shown up on our intelligence reports? Do they talk like pirates? These are important questions we’ll soon answer.”
After an hour of seemingly random pirate/terrorist theories Michaels revised his stance, stating, “Wait a minute. He took lady shoes? That’s definitely the most disturbing part.”