Man Recalls Times When He Used To Eat Non-Zabiha Meat

Unlike previous attempts, Usmani (above) feels that his zabiha-only committment will succeed this time."I really could go for a Whopper right about... now," grumbled the famished Usmani.

HANOVER PARK, IL – At the corner table of a northwest suburban Long John Silvers sits 32 Year Old Zia Usmani. Immersed in the pirate haven ambiance of the establishment, Usmani awaits his three piece ‘Fish and More’ ordered just minutes prior.

Like many of his fellow Muslims, Usmani gave up eating non-zabiha meat three years ago in compliance of a more orthodox way of life.

“Just one bite of a juicy, flame broiled Whopper with cheese,” muttered the man under his breath.

Since his oath of no “outside meat,” Usmani has succumbed fifteen times to Whoppers, Big Macs, and Slim Jims. This time, however, he claims to be serious in his stride and plans to take preventive measures.

“Maybe if I say bismillah and spin three times it will be okay to eat it?”

As a plate copious with hushpuppies and coleslaw was delivered in front of him, witnesses observed Usmani frowning as he openly wept.

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