ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL – Speaking before a small crowd gathered in a residential basement earlier today, a group of cosplay Muslims proudly unveiled their Klingon translation of the Holy Quran.
Repeatedly asking reporters refer to them as a qorDu’, the clan was led by a rotund man known only by his pseudonym of “rol lam”.
“My real name is unimportant. And it’s a qorDu’, not a clan” insisted Lam prior to yelling upstairs, demanding his mother “bring down the peanut butter sandwiches.”
Drawing his bat’leth to cut the sandwiches, Lam explained the translation was the culmination of years of effort. “At first, we really didn’t know what we were doing, but we knew that we wanted to do something. And stop calling me Lam. It’s ‘rol lam’.”
The clan’s original vision was to create a Muslim Klingon conference. That idea fizzled, however, after realizing their numbers are disappointingly low.
“Not counting Shias, there are about a dozen Muslim Klingons in the world,” he stated. “Percentage-wise, that’s a great number compared to all Klingons out there but it’s not enough for a meetup or conference. Even if we tossed in the Shias we’re looking at 18 tops.”
“Plus, many folks couldn’t get their parent or legal guardian’s permission,” explained the 47-year old single man, allowing his gaze to drift momentarily and reflect on the choices that led him to this point in life. He was supposed to be a doctor. Why couldn’t he get his life together?
Suddenly snapping back to reality, he continued, “How did…what was I…saying? Oh yes. A few years later we realized that Arabic is so linguistically similar to Klingon the ideas started flowing. I’d like us to be remembered as the ones who brought the message to Qo’noS.”
The press conference was followed up with a live reading of the translation. Unfortunately, many left after refreshments were depleted approximately a quarter of the way through Surah Al-Baqarah.
