Saturday, April 20, 2024
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Sikh of Being Mistaken For An Arab

"This is suck!"

By Preet Wallawallabangbang

How many guys I gotta explain?! I’M NOT ARAB! Look, buddy…some tings are really estarting to pass me off. Hawing the guy say me not talk the English when I AM talk the English is insulting enough, but now this happens.

I’m Sikh, dang it. Sikh, sikh, sikh!

You aydeeots hound me and say me go home. But I say I am home so what? They look with confuse and start throwing the thing and the other thing.

I drive cab for long, long time in this country – at least 3 day. I have people say me go home cuz some plane crash and hit the guy and I say “How I know who the guy is, man? Why I gotta be the blame?”

Blame the responsibility people, whoever they be at.

Leave me alone, please. I done writing…how I save document?

In light of 9/11, what’s your perception of Arabs and Muslims?

The tragic events of 9/11 have had a dramatic impact on the perceptions Americans and Westerners have of Islam. How do you feel about this?

sis1

“I think what American people need to understand is that all Arabs aren’t Muslim.”
Alyssa Jones, Student

bro1

“Ha ha, Arabs! Now you know how I feel!!”
Peter Thomas, Lawyer

bro2

“What exactly is happen last week? Nobody is explain me.”
Harvinder Patel, Gas Station Attendant

bro3

“I loves me some Arab womens. They is fine. I hope they don’t gotta go to back, dawg.”
Mike Mohammad, Disk Jockey

Check out more Islamica Asks.

For Popular Muslim Boy Band *NSHALLAH, Show Goes On: "We Aren't Getting Any Younger"

BOLLYWOOD, CA – On the heels of last week’s 9/11 tragedy, *NSHALLAH denounced rumors they’re cancelling the remaining dates on their “We’ve Got Green Cards” tour.

“Like, the show must go on and stuff,” stated frontman Justan ‘Baby Child’ Dimbrelek, “There are, like, lots and lots of depressed and young, lonely, single teen girls that need, like, our music to go on. And besides, we’re not married yet.”

The five-member band rose to stardom earlier this year when their hit single “You’re So Hot, Marry Me Baby” debuted on their local public access TV station.

“We’ve got to stay strong, be positive and stay popular because we aren’t getting any younger,” stated 35-year old band-member Zaki ‘The Other Guy’ Yusuf, visibly concerned regarding his lingering bachelorhood.

Marital concerns aside, *NSHALLAH has voiced concerns that continuing their tour will be a challenge in light of the recent Anti-Muslim hate crimes running rampant.

“We hope that, like, members of the KKK don’t show up to our place and stuff. I personally have been harassed because, like, this one time some old woman came up to me and gave me a dirty look. That hurt. A lot,” sobbed Dimbrelek.

“We’re gonna have to heighten security or something. Who knows when the next really old lady may walk past and give us dirty looks and stuff. Right?”

*NSHALLAH is one of several prominent Muslim musical acts echoing a desire a return to “normal, preteen popstar-admiring life.”

Popstar Ricky Raheem bin Al-Marteen recently announced that his sold-out HBO special, “Livin’ Without a Lota,” would air this coming weekend as scheduled.

CNN Reports Latest Suspect – “Yo Mama!”

ATLANTAGENDA, GA – In an act of unprecedented journalism, news media giant CNN reported “Yo Mama” as the latest suspect in the FBI’s crackdown on terrorism. This added to the already long lists of characters which includes new age musician Yanni, has-been pop star Paula Abdul, and children’s television icon Barney, the purple dinosaur.

A day after the devastation in New York City and D.C., the cable news network showed Barney, Baby Bop and numerous children celebrating with balloons. After further investigation, however, they discovered the footage was taken from an episode entitled “Having Fun at the Library,” filmed eight years ago.

Studio lackey Brian Maher says the oversight of responsible journalism was not due to time constraints or an inefficient process, rather apathy on the part of the media.

“We really didn’t care,” Maher said while pulling out a wedged portion of his pants. “I mean we really didn’t care… do you follow?”

CNN News Analyst Connie Ayers defends the network’s reports by saying, “Just because an individual doesn’t exist, or has been dead for fifty years doesn’t mean they’re innocent.”

The news agency did say, however, it would take further steps to ensure the accuracy of its report, making certain interviewees include inbred hicks and crack addicts.

Houston, We Have Convention Center: Muslim Community Looks Forward To Trashing Own Place

Many issues remain unaddressed by the Muslim community, not the least of which is the fact their new center has no windows.

BAYTOWN, TX – At first glance, the Baytown Civic Center on the outskirts of Houston doesn’t seem to sport the 21st century look most other convention centers of today do. Most developers would slate the building for demolition. Locals call the 100,000 square foot glaring, multicolor structure an eyesore.

“An architectural blunder only Mike Brady himself could have designed,” says Baytown Mayor Kurt Walker.

Community leaders fiercly deny allegations that the center was once a toxic waste disposal site. Building inspectors say the dilapidated center barely clears most public safety standards, not including plumbing, gas, and electric wiring.

For the Islamic Society of Metropolitan Houston (ISMH), however, the building is a symbol of both accomplishment and pride.

“It’s all ours!” exclaimed Javed Khan, an area veterinarian who served one of the lead roles in the acquisition of the Baytown Civic Center.

“The ISMH has been keeping an eye on this place for 25 years. That’s longer than the organization’s existence!”

Last week the ISMH had closed the deal with the city of Baytown on purchasing the Civic Center for an estimated 3.1 million dollars.

Ibrahim Batball, who managed the funding for the purchase, was confident money was not an issue.

“Brothers would come up to me and ask, ‘Ibrahim, where the hell are you coming with this 3.1 million?’ I just smile and remind them of a particular basketball superstar in the area.”

When the Houston Muslim community collectively came up with one hundred thousand dollars, NBA Rocket’s center Hakeem Olajuwon generously donated the remaining 3 million.

“I just hope he never ever retires,” Batball stated nervously.

The ISMH points out the many benefits of owning their own venue for events such as Eid Salat, as well as other various conventions and mega bazaars.

“Now we can trash our own place,” says Javed Khan. “We can distribute fliers, and actually encourage people to throw them on the ground on their way out.”

Khan included having water fights in the wudu facility, a “Throw Your Baby’s Dirty Diaper Anywhere” day, as well as special car-blocking spaces in the parking lot.

The ISMH does, of course, have plans for renovation of the aged structure.

Plans for replacing the current fully-functional PA system with a defective one are currently underway.

The ISMH does not yet know when the center will be opened for use, but they assured the community that they will overlook many building maintenance issues to expedite the process.

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