DEARBORN, MI – The community is reeling as local IT worker Mohsin Kamal continues his merciless assault on anyone within a 10 foot radius. Only days into fasting in the holy month, Kamal is exhibiting careless disregard for his rapidly-deteriorating oral condition.
“Ramadan is a blessed time. We believe the breath of the faster is revered in the sight of our Creator,” stated one close Muslim friend. “But there’s a limit to that funk. Do they make an electric miswak?”
According to friends Kamal, 32, routinely stands “too damn close” and frequently gets excited, spraying saliva onto helpless bystanders. Local mosque officials blame dwindling congregation numbers largely to Kamal’s antics.
“He’s one of those guys that shouts ‘Ameen’ during prayer, causing others to become disoriented and injured,” stated the imam. “Frankly, it smells like someone defecated in the prayer hall. We’re not sure if he’s farting and blaming his breath. Either that or maybe he eats garbage for suhur?”
According to numerous reports, Kamal’s wispy beard was burnt off by his toxic breath fumes. Some, however, positively remarked his “circle of stank” forms a natural protective barrier around the mosque, guarding worshippers from Islamophobic attacks and protests.
His co-workers, however, are demanding Kamal be reassigned to a less public, non-helpdesk role.
“Everyone’s been calling in sick just to avoid Mo,” stated receptionist Jenny Bradford. “We only have eight employees but need to either get remote assistance or everyone’s buying gas masks.”