CHICAGO, IL – Muslims of Indian and Pakistani descent are demanding a return to their roots, rejecting the recent “Arabization” of their language and culture.
“The transient subcontinent culture takes great pride in arbitrarily deleting vowels, syllables, and logic when borrowing words and ideas from other cultures,” explained Professor Shakeel Ahmed from the University of Indians and Chinese (UIC). “Not long ago, Muslims from the subcontinent would say Khuda Hafiz when leaving someone’s house during Ramzan“.
“We won’t be told what to do by dirty Arabs!”
Ahmed elaborated terms such as “Ramadan” are attempts to reform the longstanding “Ramzan” mispronunciation of their Persian ancestors. Other example include “Allah Hafiz” recently supplanting “Khuda Hafiz” and “Assalamualaikum” replacing the traditional “Slalekum.”
“We’re also willing to accept variants such as ‘Salekum,’ ‘Asakalekum,’ and random gargling sounds. Maybe even ‘Namaste.’ We want to return to an arbitrary point in history we consider our roots, but must be careful not going so far back we become Hindu again, or worse – primates.”
“That’s exactly what the jinns want.”
Others are joining Ahmed in pushing for “Desi Muslim Pride.”
“Sorry for being late,” explained Pervez Khan, founder of the Desi Urban Muslim Pride (DUMP) Parade. Arriving two hours late to our interview, he offered no explanation for his tardiness.
“Anyway this year, we are taking DUMP to next level. We will have floats with all colors of the rainbow and signs with original Hindi and Urdu words all over them. No Arabic! Allah Miya wants this!” explained Khan, “Devon Avenue will be plastered with DUMP!”
Khan anticipates the DUMP Parade taking place “later this month or something like that” but many are skeptical. Traditionally in past years, DUMP organizers have delayed festivities while haggling city officials for required license fees.
“Bloody Amreekan rules!” lamented Khan.
