Friday, April 19, 2024
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IDF Shows Inside Of Alleged Hamas Member’s Home And His “Bomb-Making Leather Sectional”

On Wednesday, an IDF spokesperson showed members of the press a dangerous 2 piece sectional allegedly used to make explosives.

On Wednesday, the Israeli Defense Forces led a handful of reporters through the living room of an alleged Hamas militant’s home for an exclusive look at explosive manufacturing devices including a modern, 2 piece, leather bomb-making sectional and two violently plush velvet recliners.

“We are standing in what is the lion’s den of a vile Hamas operation,” announced Admiral Daniel Levin as he showcased a professionally interior designed space with midcentury flare.

“As you can see, this top-grain, tan leather seating arrangement is where they probably built rockets. They acquire these tools from the extremist government of Iran, or Wayfair… because they hate the West… Elm.”

After Levin paraded several seasonal decor items and “projectile” throw pillows, he picked up a TV remote to show how Hamas used wireless tech for destruction.

“This button here says ‘Netflix’ which is arabic for triggering explosion and other Stranger Things.”

Follow @islamicanews for our exposé of the world’s most dangerous floral arrangements.

Navigating The Word Game: Part 1

Navigating the Word Game

Police Bomb Texas Elementary School To Stop Active Shooter, End Up Killing 250 Children

Ezrael County Police Department
Ezrael County Police tried to stop a school shooter suspected of hiding inside Lakeland Elementary, but end up killing all 250 children. Gunman still at large.

In an effort to stop an active shooter suspected of hiding inside a Texas school, Ezrael County Police bombed Lakeland Elementary killing all 250 students.

Chief Benjamin Yahu dismissed any responsibility and claimed the gunman, identified as 32 year old Burt Shamas, used the children as human shields.

“The Ezrael County Police Department has a right to defend itself,” stated Yahu against the backdrop of mutilated bodies and limbs, ranging in ages between 5 and 9 years old.

“If these children didn’t want Shamas, why did they and their parents let him into the school? Why did they let him live amongst them? Why did they vote for politicians who supported Shamas to have access to these deadly weapons? This is on Shamas and all the folks that allowed him to exist.”

Yahu mentioned the gunman is still at large, and could be hiding in area hospitals.

President Biden, is expected to visit later today and deliver remarks as well as more weapons to the Ezrael County Police Department.

Follow @islamicanews for more satire

Biden: “We Must Condemn The Evil Forces of Terror, Except When It’s Israeli Sanctioned Genocide. Then It’s Kinda Cool.”

On Tuesday, President Biden condemned terrorism, unless it's sanctioned by Israel. Then it's A-OK!

On Tuesday, President Joe Biden issued a forceful condemnation against Hamas and its attacks against the Israeli people. Below is the transcript of that statement.

“We strongly condemn these acts of violence, and the massacre of the Israeli people. There is no room for terror, except of course when it’s an Israeli sanctioned brutal campaign against the Palestinian people. Because f@!k logic, right?

We support Israel’s right to indiscriminately bomb the most densely populated area of land in the world, even if it results in the deaths of most if not all innocent men, women and children.

Hospitals? F ‘em.

Shelters? F ‘em.

Mosques? Embrace Jesus.

Churches? Embrace Jesus more.

We also support the shooting of independent journalists and the indefinite detainment of children, because… umm… LOOK HAMAS!

We’ll pretend the people of Gaza have a choice BUT we must maintain silence on the ongoing humanitarian disaster that is Gaza – the blockade by land, air and sea. The lack of clean water, the lack of medicine, the lack of power, and the lack of food. We must parade these prison-like conditions as sovereignty and autonomy because… LOOK HAMAS!

To all the people of Palestine who have no say or voice in their destiny- why you mad bro?”

Follow @islamicanews for doublespeak.

“Happy Pakistan Independence Day!” Says Man Who Got The Hell Out of There 40 Years Ago

Never Go Backistani
Khalid Ibrahim, who immigrated to the USA over 40 years ago, claims he loves his native country of Pakistan so much, he never wants to go back.

“Happy Pakistan Independence Day!!!” exclaimed Khalid Ibrahim, who got the hell out of that country over 40 years ago.

“I will always have pride in my beautiful Pakistan,” said the 72 year old retired engineer who made a conscious decision to uproot himself, abandon his loved ones, and flee the turmoil in Karachi in search of a much better life.

“100% of me is Pakistani,” said Ibrahim as he looked away from his US dollar-backed portfolio of investments, to gaze at an old picture of himself on the first flight he could afford out of his motherland.

Asked if he was going to ever “go back” to his beloved homeland, Ibrahim replied, “HELL NO! Why the f$&k would I do that?”

Follow @islamicanews and shout out to the “Never Going Backistanis”

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