Facebook Unveils ‘Start Civil War’ Feature To Address Current Political Crisis

On Tuesday, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced a new feature that will enable users to spark a real civil war with others nearby.

Menlo Park, CA – Starting Wednesday, all 2.3 billion Facebook users will be able to declare civil war on one another based on their proximity and interests. CEO Mark Zuckerberg unveiled the new feature at a developer conference in San Francisco earlier this week, and is part of an ongoing response by the social media giant to address the country’s divided political climate.

“Over the past two years we’ve focused our efforts in trying to address the damage done by cognitive bias shaped news feeds and the alternative realities they’ve spawned,” said Zuckerberg, who founded the company in 2004.

In the past, Facebook has publicly acknowledged its role in influencing elections and political outcomes across the world. It has also admitted the platform’s vulnerability to foreign interference, which includes Russian meddling in the 2016 U.S. elections.

“I’m excited to share with you our findings. We’ve determined that the societal deterioration caused by our social experiment is irreversible, and now the only option is to double-down and advance it to the next level. So we’re proud to announce our newest feature, ‘Start Civil War.'”

Users can finally unload years of bottled-up aggression and declare civil war on their fellow countrymen representing a variety of different social personas – including groups with opposing political views, religious beliefs, rival sports teams, and strange culinary preferences.

“Imagine being able to take up arms against those whiney libtards you went to high school with. How about engaging in a bloody skirmish with those brainless goons at the MAGA rally down the street? Perhaps you’d like to rape and pillage Conor McGregor fans? All possible with a click of a button,” said Zuckerberg as he flipped through screens of conflict-laden imagery.

“And – I should add, all of it’s streamable on Facebook Live.”

Facebook fans enthusiastically welcomed the new addition. Conference participant John McAllister believes the new feature was a “no-brainer” as many users had exhausted all efforts to engage in any rational and respectful discourse.

“That angry emoji face wasn’t cutting it anymore,” said McAllister. “I’m ready to kick some treasonous ass!”

Facebook has projected its ad revenue will only increase once the new feature is activated. As of Tuesday afternoon, Facebook stock was up 5%.




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