FBI Concerned About Suspects Al-Qaeda Ties Investigation Will Likely Soon Expand

The ties were numerous and ghastly.

PARIS, FRANCE – In the aftermath of an intense standoff north of Paris earlier today, the FBI shared concerns regarding one of the suspects’ Al-Qaeda ties.

“We ransacked their apartment and made the discovery not long ago,” stated a FBI spokesman. “In the upper drawer of his chest was a stash of awful, awful ties.”

The ties in question include several homemade concoctions including a camouflage tie and several store-bought ties apparently run through a laser printer. Many questioned why the neckwear existed and if the suspects had previously worn them in public.

“We’re not sure but our intelligence would have picked them up if they were walking around with these things. The Al-Qaeda ties are the most concerning,” stated the spokesman. “One in particular appears to be very well made. This suggests they worked with professionals that know what they’re doing. We may need to call in the Fashion Police.”

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