AIRPORT CITY, ISRAEL – Sodastream is once again in hot, fizzy water over their latest ad campaign featuring celebrity spokesperson Scarlett Johansson. In the ads, Johansson touts new flavors in various Gaza war zones including a bombed hospital, child beach massacre, and an IDF beating of women and children.
“We really wanted to connect with timely, current events and this is the perfect way to do that,” the company stated in a press release last week.
Johansson is no stranger to controversy, having been criticized earlier this year for lending endorsement to a company that operates in illegally seized territories in the West Bank. The macabre images within the ads aren’t the only thing evoking complaints, however, as Sodastream announced several new flavors including Zionist Raspberry, Gaza Grape, and Palestinian Blood.
“When she signed on with Sodastream, it was evident [Johansson] didn’t give a damn about humanitarian causes,” stated one upset consumer. “But these new ads are an all-time low. Drinking blood out of transfusion bag in a crowded hospital? Really?”
Despite objections, the Palestinian Blood flavor is already a hit with the “Sderot cinema,” a group of beach-going Israeli jackasses who watch the Gaza massacre as if it’s a sports event.
“The Palestinian Blood flavor has a bit of an iron taste,” stated one Sderot cinema miscreant. “But we’ve already dehumanized them to the point where drinking their blood is strangely alluring.”
In a press release, Johansson’s publicist stated, “We’re sorry the ads and flavors can potentially be interpreted as offensive to a small number of people, mostly Islamics and terrorists. We stand by our decision to take large sums of money in exchange for endorsing a corporation built on the flesh and blood of the Palestinian people. Israel has a right to defend the Palestinians into oblivion.”
Earlier this week, Sodastream was forced to discontinue sales of a fourth flavor, White Phosphorus Peach, after numerous consumers complained of stomach cramps, ulcers, esophageal tears, melting body parts and, ultimately, death.
