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Santa Myth Exposed: Muslim Second Grader Ruins Christmas for Entire Class

Classmate Adam Garber (above) reacted to the news much the same way as the rest of the class, including Ms. Johnson.

BOSTON, MA – After the events that transpired here last week, Ms. Johnsons’ second grade classroom will never be the same.

“We were making cardboard cutouts for the school’s holiday musical when all of a sudden, I hear Adnan telling everyone that Santa Claus isn’t real,” stated Ms. Johnson in reference to Adnan Sami, one of her seven-year old students. “I don’t know what on earth possessed him to tell such horrid, horrid… truth.”

“My mommy told me,” explained Adnan. “I go home and asked her if Santa Claus was coming to our house because we don’t have a chimney. She said that Santa’s not real and I said okay and that was it.”

“How on earth can people live like that?! It’s insane,” exclaimed a visibly-upset Ms. Johnson.

The child has a history of ruining holidays for area youth.

Last Easter, he quickly pointed out that the Easter bunny who visited their classroom was in fact the school’s alcoholic janitor, William Banes.

“He sounded like Willy because Willy always sounds like he’s about to go to naptime,” laughed Adnan in reference to Banes’ ongoing problems with alcoholism.

“He’s two for two thus far,” stated School Principal Marvin Taylor. “We’ve got to brace for New Years. There’s no telling what damage this kid can do.”

What do you think of Saddam Hussein’s capture?

Saddam Hussain was recently captured by US forces after hiding in a small hole underground. What are your thoughts?

sis5

“Yea! We’re now free of terrorism!!!”
Heba Hussaini, Teacher

bro7

“I can relate to living in a rathole. My trailer’s a dump.”
Vali Mehmood, Actor

bro6

“He’s a malicious, beligerent tyrant. Oh wait, I thought you were talking about Bush.”
Jibreel Yaseen, Mechanic

bro5

“About time they caught bin Laden!”
Umair Qasim, Engineer

Check out more Islamica Asks.

Masjid Conducts Annual Running of the Muslims

The festival always draws a large crowd and some residents even wear running gear.

VILLA PARK, IL – The tranquil, standstill air at the Islamic Foundation in suburban Chicago wasn’t indicative of the events about to transpire just moments later. On the evening of Sunday, October 26, one could not expect any force to break the serenity and peaceful vacancy that filled the halls and rooms of the 15 year-old masjid. However through years of experience, Islamic Foundation’s staff knew all too well about the phenomenon about to take place.

On the horizon of the parking lot, a throng of people were visible and could be seen advancing closer and closer as the ground thumped with every step.

An event which has attracted locals and law enforcement alike, the Annual Running of the Muslims begins every year just at the start of Ramadan.

On a normal day, the Masjid is relatively quiet and not many people are seen inside.

“They wait for moon news, and if we see moon, fine… it’s Ramadan. Then they come running in like masjid going out of business sale,” explains Islamic Foundation’s director Malik Sultan.

Among the audience was 35 year old Judith Boyer who lives just down the street from the Islamic Foundation.

“With the economy being so bad, we couldn’t afford to go to Spain so I said ‘Honey let’s go check us out some stampeding Moslems.'”

Omar Azim participated in the run last year and noted that the experience was exhilarating.

“It’s like your running and sometimes you want to stop, but you can’t because there are people behind you,” said the nineteen year old Azim.

“I couldn’t tell what was happening or where I was going. I looked up to find myself running next to a stampeding sheep in the sister’s section.”

This year’s numbers indicated a record turnout and was a huge success according to Islamic Foundation’s staff.

Man ‘Books’ Without Praying Sunnah

30 Year Old Fahad Azim reportedly booked out of the masjid last Friday without praying Sunnah.

“I turned around to look for him, but I think he took off,” said Abdul Ghaffour who usually meets up with Azim after Salat every Friday.

Azim was seen leaving hurriedly during the announcement portion of the Friday prayers.

Saddam Allegedly Had Mini-Bar, Gaudy Decorations in Rat Hole

Having a reputation for having elaborate palaces with gaudy decor, Saddam Hussein’s in-ground hideout reportedly had a statue of himself next to the entrance hole.

Also found in his hideaway was a marble mini-bar, a cross-eyed ceramic wall mosaic of himself, and Iraqi patriotic television programming blaring in the background.

Hussein was polishing his gold bathroom bucket when troops discovered him.

HALL OF FAME