Tuesday, April 23, 2024
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Hijabi To Embark On New Career

Khadeeja looks forward to working at this Dallas-area Hooters.

DALLAS, TX – As she embarks on her new career, nineteen year old Khadeeja Alam has recently made the decision to embrace the modest dress of the hijab and jilbab. Although a common dress among Muslim women, Khadeeja’s situation is not as traditional.

Her orange hijab matches her orange jilbab, the official uniform color at her new job – Hooter’s.

“I’m so excited about my new job! Inshallah, I hope it’s rewarding,” raves the young Muslimah.

“The great thing about the hijab is that it’s such a source of strength for me. I feel I can be viewed as an individual and appreciated for my abilities.”

Confused restaurant patron Duke Walker comments, “I’m not sure what’s goin on here. I mean didn’t they start up an airline er, where’s the shorts?”

As the orange-laden Alam delivers a tray of twenty ‘three-mile-island’ wings to a table, she raves, “It’s great to work at a place where the buffalo wings are the best in the world. I’m so blessed!”

Matt Adams, one from a group of four pimply teenage boys says, “I wish we had that other one with the red hair, we got gyped.”

Khadeeja hasn’t told her Middle Eastern parents yet, though she is excited in doing so.

“I can’t wait until I tell them that I’ve decided to wear hijab. They will be so happy!”

Shady MSA Getting Shadier

MSA President Bilal Khan was persistent in pushing for a co-ed wrestling tournament.

DES MOINES, IA – Something is not quite right at the local college MSA. In a continuing pattern of suspicious trends, members are left with many questions as to what might be transpiring within their beloved organization.

“[MSA President Bilal Khan] wanted to hold a co-ed basketball tournament,” stated longtime member Maryam Zulfiqar. “This was after his original idea of a co-ed wrestling tournament was shot down.”

Flyers for a recent fundraising dinner included the e-mail contact “[email protected]” for MSA Secretary Aamina Forwardu.

This past semester, numerous events have also been held where no one but the president and secretary were notified.

“They’re freaking dating, I know it,” exclaims former member Ali Kamal. “I busted those two holding hands at the theater and they said they were just there to warn others about the evils of movies and stuff.”

Citing the Khan’s seven-year term at the two-year community college, members are demanding an MSA board re-election.

Will Someone Please Marry My Ugly Sister?

"Marry Her!"

Written By Riaz “Unibrow” Sayeed

Seriously. I’m getting sick of this. My dad is freaking out. My mom can’t sleep and walks around all day crying. Nobody’s interested in my hooking up with my sister.

She’s been single her whole life. That’s 30 years of solitary misery for the poor girl.

The last time we had a guy come to our house for a marriage scenario, he asked her, “Excuse me brother, but where is your sister?”

I don’t think she’s that bad looking. They say that the truest form of beauty is on the inside, right?

Well, it must be buried pretty deep.

Don’t get me wrong. She’s not that bad looking. People say she bears a strong resemblance to Barry White so it can’t hurt to resemble a celebrity. I think she resembles Barry in her voice more than looks, but who am I to judge.

My folks got really desperate last summer and rented out a booth at ISNA for her. It was way in the back of the bazaar with a sign that read, “For The Sake of Allah, Please Marry Me”. One guy stopped by but he was just asking where the bathroom was.

My sister thinks that guys aren’t interested in her because she doesn’t wear hijab. I tell her to flat out go for the niqab. She needs all the help she can get. Shoot, wear sunglasses with that niqab while you’re at it.

We registered her on one of those matrimonial sites but they keep turning down her membership because they think that the pictures are fake or it’s a joke of some kind.

I guess that in the end, we’re all destined to end up with someone, right?

Let’s just hope that guy comes along before my mother starts interviewing the blind.

What do you think of Muslims assimilating into mainstream culture?

Muslims face increasing scrutiny as they struggle to reconcile their faith with broader, non-Muslim culture. What is your perspective on this phenomenon?

sis5

“Asssimulaikum. Hehehe…get it?”
Maya Hyder, Housewife

bro7

“I’ll tell you after I finish my beer, motherf#@%r!”
Johnny Kababa, Restaurant Owner

bro6

“Great. So now instead of polygamy, we’ll have polygavorce…polygadivorce. Or something.”
Shabaz Abdulla, Engineer

bro5

“HARAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!”
Riaz Nader, Student

Check out more Islamica Asks.

New Muslim Tired of Spicy Food Warnings

Zafar (pictured above) during less spicy circumstances.

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Yesterday afternoon, local authorities were called onto the scene of what witnesses described as “some white guy gone mad.”

Later identified by police as area resident Isa Zafar, the ordinarily tranquil man erupted in a frenzy of obscenities at a local restaurant/video store. Eyewitnesses claim that Zafar, 25, lapsed into a bout of temporary insanity prompted by restaurant owner/video clerk Muzamil Khalid.

“I just told the guy that the he might not want to try the nihari because it may be too much spicy and he may not like,” explained Khalid.

Zafar, formerly known as John Smith before converting to Islam a year ago, has dealt with warnings concerning spice-levels in food on a daily basis.

Close friends claim that Zafar has progressively grown very sensitive to Khalid’s spicy food warnings considering the fact that Khalid issues such warnings every time Zafar enters the eating establishment/video piracy ring.

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